If you are reading this article right now, perhaps you want answers to why an addict can’t love you. Ask an addict and he will surely tell you that if given a choice, he would never have let himself fall into the trap that he is into. He will tell you that he definitely doesn’t like the place he is in. He will tell you that he would do anything to climb out of the pit.
But what about his relationship? How does he manage it? If he has had a breakup, does he miss his old relationship? Does he wish to get back into it.
In other words, can an addict love you? These are some of the answers to help you. Read on if you are a partner struggling to save someone who is an addict. You will know why an addict can’t love you. You will also know what to do to win him back to you.
Understanding Addiction and its Effects on Relationships
Addiction can have a profound impact on a relationship, and this impact is almost always negative.
Lying, cheating, guilt, and with that, a lot of manipulation are some dirty things that make their way into a relationship where one partner is an addict.
The user soon loses control of the amount of drugs they consume, even with the toll on their health due to substance abuse.
Very soon, this can take a toll on their mental health too. This goes on till the victim is no longer being able to make the right decisions.
An addict soon sees his partner as a purse of money for the substance he cannot afford. All this leads to betrayal, hurt, and finally, confusion that can eventually end the relationship.
These are some of the reasons why an addict can’t love you.
Exploring the Cycle of Addiction
What often begins as a little experiment at a time of recreation with friends, feels good. The victim, on another day, remembers how this substance blocked out his troubles and so looks for another shot,
Such occasions become more frequent, and soon before you know it, you have
another victim falling to substance abuse.
It began by giving the victim a moment of pleasure to forget the worrisome thoughts in his mind. It soon turned into a recurring need without which it is no longer possible to be sober.
If you love someone struggling with similar issues, perhaps all this is not new to you. You have been through all those failed promises that keep coming and probably even frustrated.
You have perhaps reached a point where you are wondering why an addict can’t love you.
It’s like this.
Some partners even get angry when confronted. Some may deny and hide the fact that they are struggling with substance abuse.
All these are feelings of guilt that could impact your partner and your relationship too. This makes it all the more important to take your role very seriously as a partner dealing with a victim of substance abuse.
One of the first things here is to see the signs. This way, you can educate yourself in turn. You will know why an addict can’t love you and understand what you should do.
Trauma: the Reason Why An Addict Can’t Love You
A person can experience trauma at any point of time in his life. This is something that can start as early as childhood or much later in life. Often it is a result of domestic violence or various experiences that a person goes through.
Those suffering from childhood trauma are five times more likely to fall for the evil of substance abuse.
The connection between trauma and substance abuse lies in the brain. A victim finds it hard to handle his thoughts and emotions. It is at a point like this that drugs act as a safe refuge.
Trauma can often lead to violence in a relationship. This can further challenge the safety of the partner. Sometimes this is to the point where he/she has no choice but to leave.
Besides this, the victim can also have his/her mental health affected, making it harder to carry on with future relationships.
The traumatized person can reach a point where she longer finds satisfaction from relationships, be it physical or emotional.
This leads to the other partner feeling helpless within the relationship. And this could further lead to feelings of resentment, frustration, and hurt. All of this could cause great confusion in any relationship.
All this, if unaddressed, could end up destroying the person and the relationship. This is how serious a role addiction, and the relationship trauma that it creates can do to a person and relationships. This should explain why an addict can’t love you.
Can an Addict Truly Love?
Any kind of addiction leads to self-destruction. It could be binge eating or drug abuse. However, the destruction is more severe in terms of the latter.
While a binge eater will soon face problems like obesity taking a toll on his health, a drug addict will soon see his life falling apart.
An addict finds it hard to manage issues like anxiety. He soon falls into the pit of poor self-esteem, and this is one of the reasons behind the cycle of trauma; why an addict can’t love you.
It’s only a while before this opens the doors to a host of negative behaviors. An addict will soon grow to ignore feelings of hunger and neglect his physical needs.
He stops addressing his mental and emotional needs too, which at times leads to a feeling of isolation. All this wipes out an addict’s ability to love. This makes him unable to carry on in relationships he would have been into.
This is why an addict can’t love you. Self-love is one of the first steps to healing from an addiction. The recovery process begins when the victim soon starts to get back his sense of self.
This means that an addicted partner is going to need a lot of compassion and patience in the healing process.
The cheating will occur, and with that, the guilt. But each chance that he gets is a moment where he is beginning to feel loved. It is a feeling that will greatly help him come out of his addiction. This in turn speeds up the healing process.
Damaged Trust: The Impact of Addiction on Relationship Dynamics
Drug addiction most often hurts relationships. But if you love your partner, you can still save your relationship. It is possible now that you know why an addict can’t love you and what you must do.
Yes, trust, respect, and communication are some ingredients that would have by now been depleted. These are perhaps even replaced by anger, guilt, and resentment.
This is because an addict finds it hard to share what he is going through. The process of opening up and asking for help is going to take time and effort.
Self-disclosure opens doors of healing, beginning with the victim and going on to save the entire relationship.
This is where the victim can make it easy for both partners struggling within the relationship.
Self-discovery is a form of taking responsibility for one’s actions and being honest about the mistakes of the past. If done well, this can soon lead to a rebuilding of trust on both sides. This is till the two are walking hand in hand on the straight path to recovery.
This may be hard at first. So, it would be good to start small, with the support and help of a partner.
Emotional Disconnect: Why An Addict Can’t Love You
To begin with, drugs affect the amygdala in the brain. This is the region responsible for a range of emotions. This will in turn increase the feeling of anxiety, bringing about with it a host of mental health problems.
What follows are many emotional changes, to the extent that the person can no longer be recognizable, with the old person now being replaced by a whole new and different person, which is a change not for the better but for the worse.
Sadness, anxiety, and feelings of worthlessness are some of the feelings that an addict goes through at all times, making him numb and unable to express feelings of love. This is why an addict can’t love you.
If this persists, this could, in the long run, lead to depression and with that, feelings of withdrawal where the victim soon finds himself antisocial having lost touch with society and his relationships too, making it harder for him to have a normal conversation with a partner, leave along being intimate in a relationship.
The Unstable Ground: Relapse and Its Consequences on Love
The sad truth is that about 50 percent of addicts go through a relapse, some even after a long period of recovery.
This shows that relapse is a high probability among people who have suffered from addiction and journeyed through recovery.
After all, as the age-old saying goes, old habits die hard, and this makes it very important to still seek help even after their recovery.
A lot of times this happens when an addict goes through negative emotions and feelings like loneliness, anger, and disappointment.
This is why an addict must continue to resume his therapy even after the process of recovery.
With the many support groups that are available today, all that is required is a
little step on the part of the addict after his process of recovery.
Relapse can have some of the most adverse effects on relationships, with partners getting frustrated and to some point feeling betrayed, after all they have been through in the addict’s process of recovery.
This is why, as a partner, one needs to keep himself/herself prepared, so you can be patient when it happens, now that you expect the unexpected.
Make sure that you always have an eye out for your partner’s attendance at these support group meetings.
Do Cheaters Miss Their Ex?
Addicts soon reach a point where they find it hard to cope with their actions, which can over time lead to a feeling of hopelessness. The addict feels like he is no longer able to be faithful in maintaining relationships, much as he may want to stay in it.
Substance abuse leads the victim to make poor choices which he in turn conveniently blames on the substance he is taking.
All this can lead to a myriad of emotions that will only go on to confuse both partners in the relationship.
It is a fact that addicts are more likely to cheat in relationships and have a very hard time remaining faithful. Over time, the substance they depend on becomes more important than the relationship they are in.
The addict could by this time lack the presence of mind to take responsibility for his failing relationship.
An addict may soon spend his time and money on someone other than his partner, which when discovered, can be very hurtful to a partner, leading to an end in the relationship.
But do cheaters miss their exes? Read on to know.
Emotional Unavailability: The Aftermath of Infidelity
Issues that are a result of addiction sure leave a lot of bad memories and with that, a good amount of trauma. Sometimes it is this trauma that bonds the two and helps them heal together.
However, this happens only when both partners take responsibility for the issue.
Often what happens is the partner caught cheating tries to cover his guilt by blaming and thus abusing a partner, to bring on more confusion in a relationship.
One of the most important rules here is to stay calm, and this is more so for the partner who feels betrayed.
Yet, at the same time, know that it is also important to express what you feel, provided you wait for the right time and place.
And while it is important to express, it is also important to hear your partner know his struggles. All this puts both partners in a better position to help each other out and heal their relationship.
Longing for the Past: Do Addicts Miss Their Exes?
Addiction can be one of the most damaging factors in a relationship, involving a
a lot of resentment and with that, a lot of guilt and remorse that comes from the victim responsible for it.
Added to this is a lot of shame that the victim feels as a result of his addiction and broken relationship.
All this emotional baggage could lead the addict to fall further into the pit, where the cycle continues and he now feels like a trapped and helpless victim.
Do cheaters miss their exes? Yes, breakups always leave a void on both sides and the gap created is always painful. This is true in the case of addicts too. Let’s not forget the bitter feelings that both partners end up with.
However, this can take place for the better, sometimes even leading an addict to reflect on the consequences of his past actions and reach out for the help he needs.
Overcoming the Challenges: Healing and Finding Love
Therapy has to play a part in addiction recovery, so do not make the mistake of believing that this entire burden rests on you.
Therapy leads to the much-needed self-awareness which is the first step without which one cannot get out of addiction.
And the faster this happens, the better, for addiction is deadly, and the greater the delay, the greater the danger.
Therapy is of different kinds to help couples and individuals with addiction. Of this, one of the most common is rehab, which is aimed at bringing a person out of addiction.
Apart from this, you also have support programs where couples and individuals can come together to share and support each other in their struggles.
And then, you have cognitive therapy, behavioral therapy, and motivational therapy which are all aimed at fixing the damage caused to individuals and families as a result of addiction.
So, the kind of treatment that one needs is going to depend on the extent of his addiction and the kind of struggles that he gets to face on account of it.
Building Boundaries: Establishing Healthy Relationship Guidelines
Do not make an addicted partner feel more guilty than he already is. Remember that there is a lot that he is going through, and for this, he is going to need you.
The negative feelings you can give him can only make him depend on the substance more, which could create some more havoc between him and you.
This makes positive and effective communication one of the most important ingredients for the healing process of addiction.
One of the most important things here is to set realistic expectations. Don’t expect healing and change to happen overnight. Remember that healing takes time and patience is the key.
Healthy communication, as we saw above, is another important secret here, as harsh words can go a long way in making a victim feel hopeless and unmotivated to slow down the healing process for him and your relationship.
Self-Care: Prioritizing Personal Well-being in Relationships
Remember that repairing an addict is not possible without that first step of repairing yourself. This is because dealing with an addict could lead a partner to fall off balance in his emotional life too.
The constant struggle with an abuser could lead a partner to lose his sense of self too. So, start by knowing that it is not selfish to value yourself and your needs.
Know that your identity does not revolve around the person you are involved with. Remember you have your hurts and past experiences too
As someone dealing with an addict, it is also important to know how to make healthy choices.
Know that this addiction is not about you, so, don’t jump to take the blame for all that the two of you are going through.
Remember that no one got into this on purpose and that together this is something you will get through.
Living with an addict is tricky, let alone trying to fix them, so give yourself a pat on the back for all that you have chosen to put yourself through.
Summary
Remember that one of the biggest struggles that an addict has to deal with is deceit. A partner who is addicted often falls into the trap of telling one lie after the other.
This is often accompanied by cheating, hidden bottles, and packages that will someday get discovered, and the future can be unpredictable.
Yet behind all the mess is a helpless victim who so badly wants to come out of the pit he helplessly fell into.
He wants to save his relationship and get back to normal living, and if you are a partner who loves him, know that he is going to need your help too.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Can an addict truly love someone while actively using drugs or engaging in addictive behaviors?
Know that at the end of the day, addicts are human beings too, and they want to get out of the trap as much as you want them to. The difference here is that you are the one in control.
Yes, an addicted partner is still capable of loving you, so do not mistake lack of love as the reason for their substance abuse.
It’s a trap
Is it possible for a relationship with an addict to recover after experiencing betrayal?
Yes, trust broken can be challenging to retain but is not impossible with the right effort. Getting your partner back is going to take time and maybe even a lot of effort but as they always say, perseverance is the key.
Often what happens is that both partners could go through a trauma bond, which could, in a way, draw them closer, and help them walk hand in hand through the entire process of recovery.
How can I support my partner’s recovery journey while protecting myself and my well-being?
The idea here is to maintain the right balance between your partner and you.
Making sure you are with him in every step of the recovery process should not lead you to neglect yourself and your healing from all the pain through which you’ve been.
Are there any warning signs that suggest an addict is capable of forming healthy, loving relationships?
A relationship with an addict can indeed be an overwhelming and draining experience but not one that comes without some valuable lessons that you will learn, whether you choose to walk out or stay.
Look, if abuse is happening on a constant and consistent basis, then it is a warning sign for a partner to leave. This is more so if the abuse is physical.
Another thing to look out for is your mental health, so don’t feel bad about walking away if the relationship is causing you a lot of trauma in the end.
Can love conquer addiction, or should partners of addicts prioritize their happiness first?
Know that in the end, a relationship with an addict is not a struggle with a person but a substance that you should be destroying and conquering.
Yet, know that your mental health is important too. So, handling an addict is all about being firm and setting boundaries. Make it clear that some things are unacceptable.
All this will only go on to help the victim heal faster, that is, if he is serious about his relationship.